Lottery Lobotomy

Stop Hunting Unicorns. Build a Warhorse.

You are betting your mortgage on a viral video. That isn't a strategy; that is a lottery ticket.

I meet business owners every day who are addicted to the "Big Hit." They are chasing the "Unicorn" that one magical ad creative that gets a 10x ROAS, goes viral on TikTok, and allows them to retire to a private island where the coconuts taste like tax evasion.

I have bad news for you. Unicorns are mythical creatures. They don't exist. And even if you find one, it will eventually die, usually right after Q4.

If your entire business model depends on "getting lucky" with the algorithm, you don't have a business. You have a gambling addiction. You are just a guy at a slot machine in a cheap suit, praying for three cherries while your wife packs her bags.

The "One-Night Stand" Marketing Strategy

Relying on virality is like trying to build a family based entirely on one-night stands.

Sure, it’s exciting. The dopamine hit is amazing. You feel like a rockstar for about 15 minutes. But you can't build a house on it. You can't retire on it. And eventually, you wake up alone with a headache and a rash you can't identify.

You need to stop looking for a fling and start looking for a marriage.

You need a Warhorse.

A Warhorse isn't pretty. It smells like sweat and leather. It doesn't sparkle. But it doesn't care if the algorithm changes. It doesn't care if Mark Zuckerberg decides to pivot to the "Metaverse" to hide from Congress. The Warhorse keeps moving forward, dragging your heavy cash flow through the mud.

Unicorn Proofing: The "Boring" Stuff That Pays the Bills

Unicorn Proofing is about building a system that works even when you don't get lucky.

It’s about the unsexy, "missionary position" marketing channels that actually pay the mortgage.

1. The Email List (The Pre-Nup) Social media followers are not your friends. They are a rented audience. You are a sharecropper on Zuckerberg’s plantation. Your email list is property. It is the only asset you actually own. If you aren't aggressively moving people from "Follower" to "Subscriber," you are building a castle on sand. When Instagram goes down (and it will), your revenue shouldn't go down with it.

2. SMS Marketing (The Booty Call) Email is polite. SMS is aggressive. SMS is you texting them at 8 PM on a Friday saying, "I know you're looking at that cart. Buy it." It has a 98% open rate. Do you know what else has a 98% open rate? Nothing. If you aren't using SMS, you are leaving money on the table because you are too afraid to be "annoying." Newsflash: Being broke is more annoying.

3. LTV (The Alimony) The first sale is just the first date. You barely break even. The profit is in the second, third, and tenth date. If you don't have a system to make them buy again (and again), you are stuck on the "Acquisition Hamster Wheel," running until your heart explodes.

The "Adult" Table

Unicorn hunting is for children. It’s for the 22-year-old dropshippers living in their mom's basement, selling cheap plastic garbage from China.

Warhorses are for adults.

Adults like predictability. Adults like compounding interest. Adults like knowing that if their main ad account gets banned tomorrow, they can send one email and still make payroll.

Stop trying to be the "cool" brand that burns out like a cheap firework. Be the lethal brand that is so aggressively profitable you can buy the "cool" brand for pennies on the dollar when they inevitably run out of cash. 

Unicorns are for virgins. Warhorses are for conquerors.

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